Day 15 - Random thoughts about yesterday

 Yesterday (Day 14) turned out relatively okay.  I woke up with a bit more aches and pains than makes me comfortable, so then how I feel mentally goes downhill fast.  I stepped on the scale and it was up.  Another negative first thing in the morning.  It just sort of hung over me, with negative thoughts bombarding me.  I had a whole litany of things I was going to write about, analyze, dissect, etc.  Yet as the day progressed, the unhelpful thoughts settled down and I felt better.

I went to my super duper expensive private pilates class and it was quite helpful, as usual.  Then later in the afternoon I sucked it up in the afternoon heat and took a 30 min walk, listening to a Pahla B podcast, about loving my menopausal body, came home to rest with a bowl of frozen watermelon and played the Sims.  Had a light dinner, and took my mom to a quilt guild meeting.  

I never had the time to journal, though obviously I could have found the time, but as I said, my thoughts sort of fizzled away during the day, as did my physical pain.

It seems impossible to get on top of pain and inflammation.  I don't feel like my food is horrible and anytime I do make a change I feel no different.  I stop drinking tons of wine, you'd think I feel better....nope, nothing, nada.  I've gone to all extremes, I have no clue anymore.  I'm starting to go the supplement route, I'll give it a couple months, but anytime I've tried in the past, once again, I don't feel anything different.

Exercise is also a toughie.  It feels good to exercise, if I don't hurt.  I hurt all the time, and I need to move or I stiffen up.  Sometimes I feel like I have a "stiffening" disease of some sort.  Considering the stretching and massage I get done, I don't feel like I should be as stiff as I am.  I guess that's what autoimmune disease is, but I don't like it and I want to heal it....I can't seem to heal it.  And of course everyone has their suggestions, eat this, don't eat that, do this, see this person, etc.  It's never ending, and frustrating, so I try not to talk about it.  I guess this might be where I vent about it.

BTW,  my fingers are hurting as I type this.

Done for now, just had to get something down as I felt guilty for not writing yesterday.